How to Set Up Parental Controls on Your Kid's First Phone: Part One
How to Set Up Parental Controls on Your Kid's First Phone: Part One
Let’s tackle the iPhone
Parental controls take time to set up. It requires a lot of small decisions and details and you’ll revisit them more than once. It can feel overwhelming, I know, but I’m here to help!
No matter the age at which you give your child their first phone, it’s worth figuring out what parental controls are available and which ones will support your digital parenting goals.
Today I’m going deep on setting up an iPhone. Next week, Android & Family Link.
(iPhone people: Family Link is important for you too— it’s where Chrome and YouTube can be managed).
No matter what device we’re talking about, there are 3 areas to consider modifying when giving a phone to a young person:
Communication - who they can talk/text with
Time - when the device is accessible
Content - what content they can see (this includes in text/video message, in apps and on a web browser
Getting Started
Apple has built-in parental controls for any iPhone or iPad running iOS 12 and above.
Go to Settings > Screen Time > Set Up Screen Time Family > Add A Child. Add your child to your family group. If the child doesn’t have an iCloud account, the phone will walk you through the setup process.
Communication
Back on the main Screen Time page of your phone, limit who they can text and chat with by going into > Communication Limits > Allowed Communication. Decide if your child can communicate with Everyone, Contacts & Groups with at least one contact or Contacts Only. Choose the right option for During Screen Time and During Downtime.
Just know that this is for regular calling and texting. This will not change their ability to send messages in WhatsApp, Snapchat or any other app. Locking down apps is covered below in the Content Section.
Time
You can manage the time your kid spends on their phone in the Limit Usage section of the Screen Time Settings Page.
In here you can schedule regular downtime.
You can also SHUT THE WHOLE THING DOWN FOR THE NIGHT STARTING NOW by hitting Turn on Downtime Until Tomorrow.
A few notes:
*Make sure you change the default setting in the Always Allowed section that allows messages in even during downtime.
*There was a significant bug identified last year that made the time limits ineffective. It was supposedly fixed this past fall but if you tried time limits in 2022/2023 and your kid was able to bypass them— it probably wasn’t because you did it wrong!
Content
Content in Texts: Back under Communication Limits is a new option, Communication Safety. Communication Safety can detect nude photos and video before they are sent. Turn this on.
Content in Apps: Under Limit Usage, you can set limits on the apps by going into App Limits and limiting the daily time limit for specific apps or all apps.
You can set aside some apps that are always allowed like the Libby App if your kid reads library books on their phone or Spotify if you don’t want to take away music.
Then under Content & Privacy Restrictions select Content Restrictions. In there you will see options for Music, TV, Web & more. Choose Explicit, or Clean.
A few notes:
*For TV it gives you more nuanced options based on tv ratings.
*The web option is for Safari, Apple’s default browser. To modify Chrome, see the Android section below.
*The music option is for iTunes, Apple’s default music player. You would manage Spotify as an App on this phone and as with any app you allow look into that apps own parental controls.
iTunes & App Store Purchases - decide whether you want your child to be able to Install, Delete or Make in app purchases. and if yes, whether those require a password (ie you have to approve all of these before they go through)
Content on the Internet: If you want to keep the Chrome browser but limit it, start by downloading the free Family Link app and come back next week to learn all about it when I cover all the Google things (Android phones, Chrome and YouTube).
See the web option note above for info about Safari.
All the Content aka The Nuclear Option: To effectively make a smartphone into a dumbphone, delete all existing apps (including Safari and Chrome), then in iTunes & App Store Purchases disallow the ability to Install, Delete or Make purchases.
Paid subscribers will get an extra post later this week detailing the experience of a real live mom setting up parental controls on the new phone her 12 y/o got for Christmas. Spoiler: She did an A+ job!