This week Amanda O’Brien returns to talk to us about why she became an ADHD coach and share what parents should be aware of when it comes to kids, ADHD and the digiverse.
For those who didn’t read our first interview, which also featured her son Gabe, you can find it here.
Amanda!! Welcome back! Let’s start off with some background, can you tell us about yourself?
I’m married with 2 sons, ages 11 and 13. I started my career in advertising before deciding to stay at home with my boys. I always wanted to be a mom and I feel really lucky to be able to be home with them.
Your son Gabe is 13 and has ADHD. What was that like when he was younger? How did you decide to have Gabe assessed?
So actually everyone in my household has ADHD, except for me. We joke that even our dog has ADHD! We had Gabe assessed by a neuropsychologist when he was 6. He was struggling in school socially and academically and it didn’t make sense. He was and is such a bright, creative kid but he was having a hard time learning and making friends. It was affecting his self-esteem. He stopped talking at school. He was sort of shutting down.
“it’s OK for your kids to struggle. We all struggle from time to time. It’s an important human developmental experience to struggle and fail or struggle and succeed. But it’s important to discern if your child is struggling or suffering.”
At the time, he was attending a public school, and they refused to have him assessed. We were told he had to be a full 2 years behind his peers academically first. So, we hired a neuropsychologist on our own and had him evaluated.
I always say to parents that it’s OK for your kids to struggle. We all struggle from time to time. It’s an important human developmental experience to struggle and fail or struggle and succeed. But it’s important to discern if your child is struggling or suffering. In our case, Gabe was truly suffering and so we decided to get some answers.
What was the experience of getting to diagnosis like?
A true neuropsychological evaluation takes time, especially when the child is so young. It took about 2 weeks of testing with the neuropsychologist. Gabe wasn’t able to sustain his attention for long periods of time, so we had to do a little testing each day. She also observed him at school and interviewed adults who have regular contact with him like his karate sensei, babysitter and teacher. The resulting evaluation provided a diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia.
With this diagnosis, we were able to find a school which would address his individual needs. With individualized, group and specialized instruction, he got the intervention he needed. He also learned about how his brain works, and how to advocate for himself in a school setting. We owe so much to his incredible school and teachers at Park Century School. They changed our lives.
“parent the child you have.”
What makes parenting a child with ADHD/neurodiversity different?
Even though both of my sons have ADHD, it presents differently for each of them. We have to parent them very differently. My mantra is “parent the child you have.” We recognized that what works for one, may not work for the other and vice versa. In terms of discipline, we have to be very clear about expectations, rules and consequences with both of them. We talk openly about what works and what doesn’t.
You are a trained ADHD Coach. Can you tell us about why you decided to pursue the accreditation?
I’m very open to talking with other parents about my kids’ learning differences and ADHD diagnoses (with my kids’ permissions of course). As a result, I found myself receiving calls every week from parents who were at the beginning of the journey. It felt good to share my knowledge and experience with the goal of supporting others. I was already thinking about re-entering the workforce. Then I read an article about ADHD coaching and thought, ‘I could do that!’
I completed my training program with ADDCA (ADD Coach Academy) and currently run a private coaching practice.
An ADHD coach works with people who are feeling stuck or challenged by their ADHD symptoms. It’s a collaborative process in which I work with my clients to figure out how their uniquely wired brains work, so they can set themselves up to be successful. It’s so important for people with ADHD to understand their strengths and stretches so that they put the right supports in place for themselves and let their strengths shine.
What would you say to parents who think their child might have a learning difference?
“Trust your instincts. You know your child best.”
If you suspect they have a learning difference get them evaluated. The earlier the intervention, the better. Don’t wait for an educator or teacher to catch it. Many times these very bright, intelligent kids can slip through the cracks because they’re so good at masking their deficits. Remember that Learning Differences are not about IQ or intelligence. It’s about how your child learns and processes information.
As both a parent and an ADHD expert, what do parents need to know, in general, about screentime?
Watch out for scams
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that their prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped compared to those of their neurotypical peers. This may cause people with ADHD to be less mature and more naive. They are more susceptible to online scams.
Watch out for addictive behaviors
People with ADHD also may have lower levels of dopamine, which is the neurotransmitter associated with reward, pleasure and mood. (Stimulant medications work by increasing dopamine levels.) Video games stimulate dopamine because they offer immediate rewards. This can be very appealing to the ADHD brain and can also be addictive. So, we really have to watch that our kids are using their screens moderately.
Help them with transitions
Turning off a screen can be a difficult transition for an ADHD brain. The underdeveloped prefrontal cortex which regulates executive functioning, including task initiation, makes any transition hard. If your ADHD child tends to hyperfocus on their screens, it can feel very jarring and uncomfortable to turn it off. So, we have to make the transition gradual and expected. Set clear limits. Set a timer. Give 10 minute, 5 minute warnings. Ask your child what they need in order to transition off the screen. Then, make a plan and follow-through. (TIP: Don’t let your kids look at the phone in the car. It may make the transition more difficult when your arrive.)
Emotional dysregulation
The difficult transition to turn off a screen can also cause emotional dysregulation, another executive functioning skill. If your child is often cranky, angry, moody, when they turn off their screen, bring it to their attention. Talk to them when they’re clear-minded and rested, not in the moment. Ask them what they need to regulate their body/mind when they get off of their screen. Maybe it’s alone time, maybe it’s fresh air, maybe it’s movement. Whatever the solution, bringing awareness to the feeling is the first step.
The internet is not a good place to make a mistake.
For kids who may make more mistakes than others, we have to be more aware of and more regulative of their screen time. Because, when you make a mistake on the internet, it lives on forever. The effects can be lasting. We didn’t have to worry about this when we were kids. If we said something offensive or hurt someone’s feelings, we could learn from our mistakes. Our kids don’t have this luxury online.
For any child or tween, teaching them about the dangers and risks of screen and internet use is important. But for kids with ADHD, who may struggle with impulse control and executive functioning it is critical to have direct conversations and clear expectations about screen use.
What about parents of kids without neurodiversity?
Honestly, same advice!
I think for all kids, it’s important to have clear rules and expectations about screentime.
The appropriate amount and type of screentime varies from kid to kid. If your child is eating healthy, reading, getting outside, getting exercise, socializing with friends and doing well in school, then they probably have the right amount of screentime.
What other advice would you give to parents of neurodiverse children?
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