Kids get interested in messaging pretty early these days. Where I live it seems to be around 3rd or 4th grade. Some kids are texting from their iPads using iMessage, Facebook messenger for Kids, or Google Chat. Some kids have smartwatches that can text. Some have their own phones and/or access to apps letting them message through Whatsapp, Instagram, TikTok or Snapchat. Some are chatting through their video games.
Messaging is likely one of the first forms of digital communication a kid will try. Its a way for them to stay connected with family and/or friends. For the sake of clarity, “messaging” for our purposes means any way a typed message can get sent (Chat, SMS, DM).
I think its important to be intentional from the outset with messaging. Its an early digital step. You’ll want to get your head around the potential dangers, and be clear about your expectations for conduct and any rules you want in place for doing this activity. Read on for Texting Etiquette and Parenting Tips. Plus a bonus section on setting up Parental Controls for paid subscribers!
Dangers
No fun to talk about but critical to address:
Cyberbullying: when someone uses technology to harass, threaten, or embarrass another person. It can happen through text messages, social media posts, or even gaming chat.
Sexting: the sending of sexually explicit messages or photos via text message or other electronic means. It can be a form of cyberbullying, and it can also have legal consequences. Remind kids that anything you send digitally is out there in the world. Even snapchat’s disappearing messages don’t truly disappear.
Online predators: adults who pose as kids in order to gain the trust of children. They may use this trust to exploit children for sexual purposes or other harmful reasons.
Dangerous content: content that includes violence, pornography, or hate speech. Kids can be exposed to content they aren’t ready for when they're messaging with other kids online.
Tips
Talk to your kids about the dangers of messaging. ie the upsetting things I just listed. Don’t shy away from the awkward stuff, but do use age appropriate language.
Set rules for messaging that work for you and your family.
Consider restricting the amount of time your kid can spend messaging
Consider restricting who they can message
Definitely provide guidance on good texting etiquette (more below)
Consider monitoring your kid's online activity. This doesn't necessarily mean read every single message they send, but consider checking in on their activity periodically or in the beginning when they are starting out to make sure they're safe and not accidentally being jerks.
Encourage your kid to come to you if they see or experience something uncomfortable. Let them know that you're here to help them, and that they won't get in trouble for telling you about something that's happening online.
Encourage your kid to take breaks. Let them know its ok to take a break from group or individual conversation particularly if its upsetting, stressful or taking up too much time & brain space. Honestly, its ok to take a break from IRL activities causing those things, too.
Remind your kid that texting doesn’t replace talking. Online communication is not the same as spending time with people in the real world. Both are valuable but not interchangeable.
Use parental controls. Many devices and apps come with parental controls that can be used to restrict who your kid can message, how much of their information can be seen and by whom, how much time they can spend messaging and allow you to monitor the communication
Be a role model. Show your kids how to message responsibly by setting an example. These children are watching!
Good Texting Etiquette (share these with your kid)
Type messages like your mom is going to read them. Assume whoever you don’t want to see your words, will.
Be kind. ‘nuff said.
Be empathetic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would the words you type make you feel if they were sent to you.
Assume positive intent. With no facial expression or tone of voice to provide social cues, its really easy to misinterpret subtleties like sarcasm. Ask for clarity before assuming the worst.
Use common sense. Just like in real life— if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. If there’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you this might not be a good idea, it probably isn’t.
Don’t Text Angry. If you are upset or angry, try to pause before responding. You don’t want to write something you’ll regret later.
Try not to text in front of real live people. Its rude unless its necessary. If its necessary, excuse yourself and explain why its important.
Keep it short. It takes time to read a message.
Don’t exclude others. Group chats can be a convenient way to reach everyone but they can easily make others feels left out- especially friends who may not have messaging yet. Use group chats when needed but try to refrain from using them exclusively.
For my free subscribers, thats it from me this week! For paying subscribers read on for my bonus section on how to set up parental controls for messaging.
Love,
Sarah
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